1. Everyone has a photographic memory. Some don’t have film.
2. He who laughs last, thinks slowest.
3. A day without sunshine is like, well, night.
4. On the other hand you have different fingers.
5. I just got lost in thought. It was unfamiliar territory.
6. Seen it all…..done it all…….can’t remember most of it.
7. Those who live by the sword get shot by those who don’t.
8. I feel like I’m diagonally parked in a parallel universe.
9. He’s not dead, he’s just electroencephalographically challenged.
10. You have the right to remain silent. Anything you say will be misquoted and then used against you.
11. I wonder how much deeper the ocean would be without sponges.
12. Despite the cost of living, have you noticed that it remains quite popular?
13. Nothing is foolproof to a sufficiently talented fool.
14. It is hard to understand how a cemetery raises its burial costs and then blames it on the high cost of living.
15. Just remember… if the world didn’t suck, we’d all fall off.
16. The 50-50-90 rule: Anytime you have a 50-50 chance of getting something right, there’s a 90% probability you’ll get it wrong.
17. It is said that if you line up all the cars in the world end to end, someone would be stupid enough to try and pass them.
18. The things that come to those that wait may be the things left by those who got there first.
19. Shin: A device for finding furniture.
20. A fine is a tax for doing wrong. A tax is a fine for doing well.
21. I started out with nothing, and I still have most of it.
22. Light travels faster than sound. This is why some people appear bright until you hear them speak.
