First and foremost, I want you to honestly take the words I write here to heart and please refrain from assuming that this is something trivial and characteristic of past intentions or principles.

Recently, I went through somewhat of a remarkable transformation of my spirit and one of the conclusions lead me to genuinely accept that negativity begets negativity. As far as I realize, we both have produced our fair share of this and it obviously has gotten us nowhere. [And for what purpose?]

Please be assured that it was not my intention to deliberately ‘take’ you to court, but helplessness with this situation seemed to afford me no other alternative to see Fabien. You would be mistaken to assume that I did so out of spite and/or contempt for you. This was not some tactic to ‘get back’ at you either. My reasons had little to do with you at all, at first, but with Fabien. At this moment, I just feel overworked, disillusioned and weary of this unconstructive state of communication between us.

It seems to me that a majority of our disagreements lie in those tiny specifics of our ideology and beliefs and not with our understanding of Fabien’s emotional/physical needs and interests. Perhaps the core differences of our opinions could [and should] be easily reconciled with a little less defensiveness and a little more attention paid to each other’s word’s, without immediately dismissing what one or the other has to say, even upon our own objections.

I understand that you have a life separate than my own now and have long accepted this and support your wishes for happiness.
I understand that you do things and handle issues a little differently [w/ Fabien].
I understand that you are very protective of Fabien.
I understand your frustration with this whole complex situation.
I understand that you wish for this conflict to end.
I understand that you want Fabien and yourself to be happy.
I understand that you desire everything that is in the best interest of Fabien.

Please understand that these are also my sentiments.

Fabien does not have the cognitive ability, yet, to understand the conflict between us, however I feel eventually he will/would become aware and this would not be very conducive to his amiable and innocent nature.

I feel that any limited parenting time with Fabien damages his important and valuable relationship with both of us. Are we being honest with ourselves to think that if Fabien is separated from either of us for weeks, months and/or a year or more, that this would not damage both relationships? Fabien could then grow up with two weak parental relationships and become more susceptible to immature/negative juvenile peer influence. If Fabien were to see both of us often, I feel he will end up with two strong relationships, complemented by him building a stronger character as he gets older. By setting healthy boundaries with Fabien and at appropriate times during his growth allowing him to make decisions and take responsibility for the consequences of those decisions I believe that he will mature into an extraordinary gentleman who accepts the circumstances surrounding his mother and father.

Do you believe there could be disruption in his development of positive social relationships and other activities without the direction of both of us? [I do.] You, being excellent in some affairs while I am perhaps better in others, as they concern Fabien. Two heads are better than one, yes?

Basically, I now feel that pouring more funds into the family court system [attorneys, etc] is nothing but a waste of time, money and unwarranted stress. By now you may have realized that both your attorney and [my] court costs associated with this mess are outrageous and only serve a system which we both are not too fond of in the first place. Do we both really need some third party challenging us on our abilities as parents or judging us by the [physical/emotional, etc] standards we live our lives, day-to-day? [We both have a basic understanding of each other and each other’s lives already, don’t we?] Bearing in mind that this is not all about dollar signs, we need to keep the reality of the situation in perspective here:

We both generally want the same thing – WHAT IS BEST FOR FABIEN!

No mother, like no father, should be without their children, nor be alienated from their child.

The feeling of being depraved from the one being that you love the most…is a feeling that can only be closely described as the emotion one feels just before the recognition of death.

I, we, will not stop loving Fabien, ever. Personally, my life forever changed the first time I knew that I was going to be a father and when he arrived in this world and I authentically became a dad, I was awestruck and vowed to be an integral part of his life for the rest of mine, come hell or high water.

In lieu of all this and some fundamental inner ruminations I have decided against further legal pursuit of this matter through a system that has more to gain financially from the two of us, as we possibly would succumb to further bitterness that would develop alongside additional senseless and dishonorable spite. Instead, I believe, that with passing time our reconciliation’s will overcome these distinctions in our characters and provide both of us with a [much deserved and] less stressful environment.

Enclosed you will find some information I located about parenting, etc, that I am providing you for reading purposes only. These papers are something to contemplate and nothing more beyond that, unless you would like to speak with me about them.

If some of our miscommunication relates to any funds you need for Fabien, I am open for discussion on this. Quite frankly, I do not believe we have ever had a sincere conversation about this or carefully evaluated both of our financial situations. Again, I feel that in this area we can positively come to a mutual understanding and a solid commitment.

Can we not strike a delicate balance between the privileges and honor afforded to us with Fabien’s presence [and that of parenthood], raising him without undue negative interference and within the scope of his best interests? Fabien is not a contributor to our misapprehensions, only an innocent victim of the breakup of our relationship and of our communication, so he should not share in our afflictions as parents. Harmony should naturally evolve as each of us enjoys the same delight we enjoyed with Fabien before this dispute came to be.