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My internal organs held a Q&A panel discussion last week, and I transcribed the most exciting five minutes of that conference………

Audiomind actually has a transcript of last week’s conference, which was held on some health and body maintenance issues. The meeting was headed up by the testicles, speaking on behalf of the penis, which is generally in charge of everything.

Participants include the lungs (on behalf of the respiratory system), the kidneys (speaking for the urinary system), the heart, (circulatory system head) with a special appearance by the brain (whose usefulness in any context has yet to be determined)……….

…….and den………

Testes: Okay Organs, let’s bring this meeting to order. If anyone has something on his or her proverbial mind, now’s the time to bring it up.

Lungs: I’m having a lot of trouble dealing with the inhalation of carbon monoxide, as a result of the host body’s addiction to smoking [& ‘others’]. What can be done about this?

Kidneys: I’m also having a problem, regarding the host’s predilection for copious amounts of alcohol [& ‘others’].

Heart: I must say I’ve got a lot on my plate due to both of these things.

Brain: Did anybody watch The Revenge of the Sith last night?

All: SHUT UP

Heart: Mister Grey Matter, this is your entire fault you know. Why do you allow these filthy things inside? What have you got to gain from it?

Lungs: I second that.

Brain: Wait, what are we talking about?

Testes: Look here buddy don’t get smart with me!

Brain: S . . M . .A . . R . . T?

Kidneys: Who the fuck are you, Homer Simpson?

Brain: I like the Simpson’s! They’re funny!

Heart: *murmur*….Let’s get on with this, please?

Kidneys: No, let’s not hold back, let’s try and process this. I think we’ve raised an important issue here, that of the usefulness of this so called “Brain”.

Lungs: *sigh*

Brain: This isn’t fair! You’re all ganging up on me! This is just like on The Revenge of the Sith when the Storm Troopers slaughtered…..

Lungs: I vote for the removal of the Brain from the panel.

Testes: Fuck that, I say we remove it altogether.

Brain: NO! NOOO!!! THE SEQUEL TO ‘THE DARK CRYSTAL’ IS JUST ABOUT TO START!!………

Testes: All in favor?

Kidneys: Aye.
Lungs: Aye.
Heart: Aye.

Brain: What do I say, what do I say?

Heart: Just say aye, like a pirate.

Brain: Aye, aye, cap’n!

Testes: Well, it’s unanimous. You’re out Brain.

Brain: Are you thinking what I’m thinking, Pinky? ["Only the brain deals in absolutes."]

Testes: DON’T CALL ME PINKY!

After this the meeting broke down into mindless squabbling. The brain was removed and spends its days thinking about where it ever went wrong.

[where this stuff comes from, Audiomind does not recall?]