Just another case of hUmAn networking…….
Not the kind that has given “networking” a bad name — that superficial, insincere, manipulative stuff that we all can smell a mile away. No, I’m talking about the true art of networking, based upon respectful and caring relationships that promote mutual success.
Let me start with one of the most fundamental aspects of human relationships: For each and every thing you want to achieve in life — whether it’s landing a job, earning respect and/or recognition or finding that lifelong romance — there will be at least one person on the other end deciding whether to give you or help you get what you want. Everything we do can only be accomplished through and with other people. Simply put, success, of any kind, requires a relationship of some kind.
Just think of the words of Margaret Wheatley:
“Relationships are all there is. Everything in the universe only exists because it is in relationship to everything else. Nothing exists in isolation. We have to stop pretending we are individuals that can go it alone.”
If this is the way the universe works, you can see why human relationships and human networks are so important.
The most common mistake people make when building relationships for their success is by treating all contacts differently than personal friends.
How exactly do you do it then?
The same way you make genuine friends. Build trust through intimacy; show them that besides being ‘qualified’, you’re also human. Skip the small talk and go deep into what really matters — your dreams or fears, your children or the social issues that keep you up at night. And don’t think for a moment that they’ll think less of you……in fact, usually the opposite happens.
When I tell people about my unprivileged beginnings – growing up without parents as a bona fide ‘swamp boy’ in rural Savannah and how it took me forever, it seems, to overcome the insecurities of being poor & dissolute, while being picked on by those who just couldn’t grasp the extent of my pain and loneliness – people rarely think less of me. They immediately empathize and feel more endeared to me than ever before. All you have to do is let your guard down and show enough vulnerability to help others feel more comfortable with opening up to you.
Don’t compartmentalize your personal, professional and community lives. Blur the boundaries! You’ll have more fun and do more for all three parts of your life in less time.
So you you want the inside scoop, do ya?
Fair enough. I’ll sum up the key to ‘successful human peer bonding’ in two words:
!Generosity!
&
!Empathy!
Stop driving yourself — and everyone else — into foolish thinking about how to make yourself successful. Start thinking about how you’re going to make everyone around you successful.
While I would say that your relationships are the most critical piece of your personal brand, before you can develop those relationships you’ve got to know something and have something to say. Just having a brain and an MBA won’t get you anywhere anymore. If you want to become more valuable in the marketplace or more intriguing to the world at large, you must develop some deep expertise in your mind and root some higher-order passion in your heart.
This rule is obviously one no one can follow 100 percent. It’s just a great way to remember to share your passions — to invite others into the activities you already enjoy doing.
If you’ll just remember to share your passions, building and deepening relationships will take no extra time than you already devote to your favorite activities, and people will see you in your best light (instead of in those nasty [dead light] fluorescents of Office Space).
………………
If you don’t ask, you won’t get.
I learned this from my Indian Grandmother. She simply could not be embarrassed when it came to fulfilling my needs.
I remember when I was a young boy, she and I were driving down the road to our little cabin house when she spotted a broken Big Wheel tricycle in someone’s trash. She stopped the car, picked it up and knocked on the door of the home where the discarded toy lay waiting to be picked up.
“I spotted this Big Wheel in your trash,” she told woman who answered the door. “Do you mind if I take it? I think I can fix it. It would make me feel wonderful to give my son something like this.”
What guts! Can you imagine such a proud and plebeian lady approaching that woman and, essentially, admitting that we were so poor that she’d like to have her garbage? Oh, but that’s not the half of it. Imagine how that woman felt, having been given an opportunity to give such a gift to another person. It must have surely made her day.
“Of course,” she gushed, explaining that her children were grown and that years had passed since the toy had been used. “You’re welcome to the bicycle I have, too. It’s nice enough, but I just couldn’t throw it away…”
So we drove on. I had a “new” Big Wheel to ride and a bike to grow into. That woman with the Big Wheel had a smile and a fluttering heart that only benevolence breeds. And my Grandmother had taught me that there is genius, even kindness, in being bold.
Every time I start to set limits to what I can and can’t do, or fear starts to creep into my thinking, I remember that Big Wheel tricycle. I remind myself how people with a low tolerance for risk, whose behavior is guided by fear, have a low propensity for success. The memories of those days have stuck with me. My Grandmother taught me that the worst anyone can say is “no.” If they choose not to give their time or their help, it’s their loss. My Grandmother understood something that many people don’t: To be successful, you have to not only accept generosity when it’s offered, but sometimes, you must also go out and ask for it.
There are times when I can make a big difference in another person’s life. I can open a door or place a call or set up a meeting of like minds — one of those simple acts by which destinies are altered. But too often the offer is refused. The recipient will say, “Sorry, but I can’t accept the favor because I’m not sure I’ll ever be able to repay you,” or, “I’d rather not be obligated to anyone, so I’ll have to pass.” Sometimes, they’ll insist right then and there that they return the favor somehow. To me, nothing is as frustrating as encountering such blindness to the reciprocal nature of generosity.
Remember folks………we’re all in this together.
