A letter written to the more ‘liberalized’ news outlets in the North & South Carolinian region span:

I am appalled that many Americans believe that fathers [a vast majority of non-custodial parents] are to blame for the problems of absenteeism in their children’s lives and the non-payment of child support.

For starters, many of these father’s are not “dead-beat” at all, but forced into [bankruptcy] becoming dead broke by mothers and the family court system that profits off of it, which in turn utterly fails them. Non-custodial parents are being forced to pay child support way beyond their financial means. Many of these supposed “dead-beat” dad’s have even lost their jobs because their ex’s have harassed them to the point where they’ve gotten fired or let go from their jobs……and finding a new one, especially in the current climate, with similar income, is next to impossible.

To make matters worse, if they do find a new job and it is at a lower income, the courts refuse to acknowledge this and normally refuse to reduce their child support. While unemployed or working for lower wages and waiting to get a modification of child support, the arrearages build up. These are not retracted or retroactively reduced even when a modification is ordered. This amounts to highway robbery and over charging of the father, which puts them further into debt and thus unable to get back on their feet, while still facing jail time.

Did you know that the suicide rate of non-custodial parents who are forced to pay child support beyond their means and/or who are denied a relationship with their children has risen dramatically since the onset of harassment for child support/denial of visitation/etc of these financially devastated fathers?

Did you also know that many mothers deliberately falsify father’s information? From lying about a man being the father to deliberately supplying false mailing information on the supposed father, the women deliberately gain financially by using the system.

When false address information is often supplied about a father to the state when they apply for child support assistance the state then uses it to notify the supposed father that they are being listed as the parent and need to come to court about child support. Because the address information is false, these fathers never get this notice and so cannot come to challenge the situation. They are then found to be the father without being there and charged with astronomical child support based on whatever the mother wants to claim is that persons income. Once the intended victim of this crime finds out that he owes child support for a child he had no idea he was being accused of being the father to, he is practically ruined for a good 2+ years, until he proves his innocence?!?

In addition to these problems, many women deliberately destroy the relationship between the father and the children. They deny the children access to their other parent and deny the parent access to their children. This is considered Psychological Abuse and can and should be classified as Domestic Violence of the worst kind, as it is mental and very hard to retract. This type of abuse is called Hostile Aggressive Parenting which leads to Parental Alienation Syndrome.

But here in lies the problem. These abusive parents are never held accountable for this disruption and impediment of the children and other parent’s relationship. Yet, the other parent is held to a devastatingly higher standard to pay child support for children they are denied a relationship with. And I should know, as I run numerous email support groups with over 1000 members alone in many of them, who are victims of these same atrocities.

To boot, many of these custodial parents file false allegations of abuse against the non-custodial parent in order to maintain this authoritative and abusive control over their ex and the children. In fact, one of the telltale signs that an allegation of abuse is false is when an accusing parent keeps dragging the other parent in to court for additional child support and harassing them when they are behind in support. The last thing that a truly abused victim cares about is financial gains from their ex. In fact, they want to keep as far away from them as possible, making court the last place in the world they want to be with their ex.

Until the system equals out this inequality and holds these abusive ‘custodial parents’ [85% mothers] accountable for their psychological and financial abuse of their ex-spouses and their children, I will never support the actions of going after a non-custodial parent for child support. These custodial parents are abusing a system that was initially set up to help families, not destroy them.

In my eyes, the system needs a total overhaul, immediately, before more children suffer at the hands of their abusive custodial parents and the abusive family court system. Until the system stops favoring custodial parents who destroy their ex-spouses and their relationships with their children, I will continue to fight tooth and nail to make legislators and congressional leaders aware of the gravity of this dire situation.

Best regards,

d