http://www.robotnick.it = ELECTRO
So what is love?
Rather than talk directly about what I think romantic love is, it might help to begin with some of the misconceptions people (until recently, myself included) commonly have about love. By identifying some things that appear to be obvious misconceptions, we can at least know what love is not, and so get a clearer picture of what it might be.
Misconception 1: Love is a particular kind of feeling.
About 12 years ago [I must be getting old…….aghhhhhhh!], when I was optimistically experimenting with open-relationships, I wrote an essay about what Love was. It seemed obvious to me that love was an emotion, and so goes that love was a feeling, thus it came and went as feelings do. I couldn’t make any sense of the way people talked about Love – as if it was some sort of invisible team jacket that couples would be always wearing, rather than a feeling that would sometimes be there, sometimes go away. And if Love was nothing more than a personal feeling that came and went, then I didn’t see any problems about inducing it with several different people. It also seemed just plain bizarre to morally judge when and where I would have this feeling – after all, it was just a feeling – what did it matter if I felt it in situation X with person Z or situation Y with person W?
The whole traditional story of love was both based on some strange and imaginary conception of what Love was. An open-relationship meant freedom from this illusion, at least to me.
But is that all there is to Love?
We talk about our emotions as if they’re psychological feelings – something that compliments physical feelings (sensations). It just seems obvious to us that they are, and so also that everyone in any culture or historical period would have them, since everyone experiences feelings and they seem to be the same ones.
A quick inspection, however, shows that emotions are actually very different than feelings. For starters, just try to imagine feeling love, without actually being in love. At the most you might say that you feel as if you were love, but it is simply logically impossible to feel love without already being in love. And if you have to be in love before you can feel love, then love must not be a feeling. Moreover, consider the fact that feelings are very brief and can quickly change, while loving someone is something that normally does not. Love is often associated with a “warm and fuzzy” feeling, but no one in love constantly feels warm and fuzzy, and when they don’t, it seems wrong to say that they’re not actually in love at that moment.
Considering this along with the recognition of how much we have at stake with love, we find a danger in thinking of love as a feeling. If we think of love as a feeling, we should very soon conclude that love doesn’t last. If the standard for love we set for our relationship is that it is a particular kind of intense or warm or whatever feeling, and then only see love in our relationships when they give us with a constant stream of this feeling, then we’ll be constantly disappointed by the disappearance of “love” when really it was simply the warm and fuzzies that faded away or occurred less often.
But if love is not a feeling, what is it? Though the details are much in dispute, most philosophers today take love, and most if not all other emotions, to be a type of judgment. My preferred version is of love as a way of seeing the world which involves making certain judgments about it. To make a judgment about something entails having some beliefs about it, or at least about the things surrounding it. It seems to me that to be in love involves just this: to love someone is to see the world in a certain way which grants the loved one a special kind of complex nexus of role-expectations, demands, special permissions, etc. – especially seen from the partial perspective of “us” (the loved and the lover), instead of “me”, as the normal way you see the world. Loving someone entails partly seeing the world as someone who is walking through it together with another person, rather than alone.
That’s my attempt to give a general sketch of what I think what love is. I realize it’s somewhat fuzzy on the one hand, and somewhat predictable on the other – but there it is. I’ll try to flesh it out a little more by pointing out two other misconceptions about love.
Misconception 2: All you need is Love.
Maybe it’s not love’s fault here. Maybe it’s the way marketing affects our society so as to make it seem to us that instant salvation is just around the corner if we buy product X, or land that next promotion, or finally find that one right person to love. I think that most of us have been guilty of honestly thinking that “if we only had X…” then we would have all we need to live a good life, where X was any of these things. But while it’s usually considered a little superficial to say that “all we need” is a promotion or that “all we need” is a new lap-top to make us happy, we usually accept without any question that all we need is love.
It’s neither surprising that so many of us who are not currently in love think this and live our lives as if it were true, nor that virtually no one that is in love would agree with such a beautiful childish fantasy.
Love is hard. Love is demanding. Love is dangerous. Love can you make you very very miserable. Love can make you throw it all away. Love can make it seem as if nothing matters.
These are not the characteristics of failed love, but of lived love. Even the healthiest romantic loves are often all of these things, even while generally making you exuberant, hopeful, secure, passionate – and sometimes love can be several of these things at the same time.
Which leads me to the third misconception I want to talk about……..
Misconception 3: Love is not a feeling, but a type of relationship – a balance of compromises between two people.
Having a good relationship with someone – even your life partner – is very different than being in love with them. It’s easy to confuse the two things because a close relationship involves a complex set of dynamics with someone, while love demands so many accommodations from the lovers that satisfying it by focusing on relationship dynamics often seems like the natural way to satisfy it. But the two are obviously different, and many a fine relationship involves very little romantic love and a whole lot of good companionship, while many terrible relationships involve intense love from both sides. Sometimes the love people have for one another and the practical relationship that they work out between them work out nicely and sometimes they don’t. Sometimes, in fact, it is because of their love that they simply cannot maintain a healthy relationship with one another. Jealousy – a common, expected, and to a limited degree desired aspect of love – is just one common reason love can lead to a failed relationship. Another is the way that close relationships involve things like money, free time, luxuries, and care of children – all of these things have a lot to do with maintaining good relationships and not necessarily anything to do with love, which can undermine them.
If every relationship is hard and requires compromise and negotiation, love can both help, hinder, and complicate the process. And, how well our relationships go can profoundly affect how happy being in love makes us, when, and why. A good relationship doesn’t have to be based on romantic love, but love requires a good relationship in order to have a chance at making us happy. A bad relationship doesn’t need to be based on love either, but it can be, and when it is the results can be just tragic.
* * * * * * * * * * * *
If these misconceptions now seem obvious to you……….well good, they should. If they didn’t, then you’d have reason to suspect that I’m telling you a story about something other than Love. What seems obvious to me, however, is that we don’t live our lives as if they were obvious. The consequence of the general misconceptions about one of the most vital aspects of our lives can be disastrous, even tragic. So where does our notion of Love come from, how much does it really inform us about the real thing, and why does it embody such crucial misconceptions?
……The hardest thing about love is living up to it……
if I could find the words to take away the pain,..< ?xml:namespace prefix = o ns = "urn:schemas-microsoft-com:office:office" />
i’d talk & talk for hours,…….and then I’d talk again..
even though words can’t really make up for the time we’ve been apart…..
know that while I’m far from you…I hold you in my heart..
i long to hear your laughter, as I dream of happy ever-after’s…..
….building castles in the sand, ice cream cones & Spiderman…
dreams are all we have,..such that we won’t let them take those away,..
as the bond we share between us grows with every passing day..
i hear you in a child’s voice, a whisper in the wind…
living for the moment, only for me to look up,……and then..
once i see your face before me…
..and we finally do embrace,..
the liberated dreams that live inside of me will release, those that no one could erase..
until then, take this heart,….for it certainly belongs to you,..
though it’s broken and nearly shattered, from all that it’s been through..
just as i do of you, think of me and hold me dear….and never forget the obvious truth,..
that I’ll always love you…
Love-
Dad
In the era of terrorism, natural disasters and high gas prices, one argumentative approach that comes to mind, [and one that most people might understand] is the “economic argument” that concerns the battle involving the well-being, custody, welfare and visitation of children within the dilapidated family court system. Considering such, if something tends to affects the judge’s pocketbook [or anyone for that matter], then they might tend to listen more closely.
A hypothetical example goes like this:
Using the laws of statistics, sooner or later, a disgruntled father or mother that is being alienated from their children will behave badly. If this bad behavior results in a major terror event, the insurance industry will analyze the event and assign a new “risk premium.” I call it the PARP, Parental Alienation Risk Premium.
If this bad behavior results in a major terror event such as a bombing, dirty bombing, terror plasmid release, hidden radiation release, [etc, you can think of more I bet!] or other nasty form of terror, who pays? …………certainly not the insurance company.
NO, No, this new risk premium is added into the new higher price of property, casualty, and life insurance.
Who pays then?
We all do.
Local, County, State and the Nation.
Down the road all insurance companies will eventually adapt these new risk premiums.
That is why I argue in favor of better-trained judges who can follow the law and fully explain its application. I would like to see all weak judges and magistrates who rely on GALs and social workers, to be retrained, or kicked off the bench.
Will you listen to the cost of negligence?
http://www.charlotte.com/multimedia/charlotte/KRT_packages/archive/pan/20050914_northlake/northlake1.mov
Now I get to look forward to more traffic going into work and leaving……WHEN will the senseless urban sprawl in Charlotte ever end?!?!?
http://blogsearch.google.com/
According to this NEWS STORY, Charlotte just began selling ethanol blend gasoline.
More specifically, the Sunoco On Woodlawn Ave In, Charlotte, NC appears to have begun selling this ethanol blend gasoline.
They are currently selling E10 AND E85 based gasoline @
e10 = $2.89/gallon
e85 = $2.69/gallon
Unfortunately my mazda tells me that I can only use e10……..grrrr!
Anyways here are some helpful hints to remember:
Identifying FFVs [vehicles that can take e85 ethanol gas] by Vehicle Identification Number (VIN)
A car or truck’s vehicle identification number (VIN) is required by federal regulation to contain specific information about the vehicle. You can identify key facts about your vehicle by the VIN.Below is a graphical representation of the VIN number and information from Ford Motor Company, General Motors and DaimlerChrysler on identifying flexible fuel vehicles by their VIN.
How to tell if your vehicle is E85 compatible? Correlate the 8th character within your VIN with the numbers below.
http://www.e85fuel.com/pdf/vin.pdf
Click HERE for a list of all the E85 Refueling locations in North Carolina and/or Charlotte. You can also do a search here……The Alternative Fuel Station Locator can search our database of refueling stations for the entire country to find stations offering alternative fuels.
[YOU CAN DO THIS FOR ANY STATE, btw!]
Click HERE and/or HERE to see if you’re vehicle is capable of handling e85 blend.
I’m gonna test the gas mileage i get from the e10 this week and compare it to my regular gas mileage and see how it measures up.
is there a vile reason why i find this amusing?
Wasps (yellow jackets) generate fear in people usually when they are seen hovering around a garden or an outdoor activity. This is particularly true of people who have previously experienced a sting or those who have developed a sensitivity to the sting. Outdoor gatherings are usually visited by yellow jackets because of their attraction to meats and sweet foods. Stings often occur when people or animals disturb wasps while they are hunting for food or protecting the nest. Yellow jackets may also attack people or animals when unprovoked.Yellow jacket wasps live in nests. Problems usually occur when the wasp or its nest is disturbed. They have the ability to sting as a means of ensuring survival. A hollow stinger is located at the rear of the yellow jacket’s body. Upon penetrating the skin, a venom is injected through the stinger. These stings can be quite painful. They can also be very dangerous to people who have developed an allergy to the stings. Unlike the bee, a yellow jacket can sting more than once. Yellow jackets and other wasps are not killed when they sting and can and will sting over and over. When swatted or harmed, they give off a signal to other nearby hive-mates that will bring others to their defense. If a person is unfortunate enough to stumble onto a nest, he may be stung multiple times before being able to get away.
They usually nest in the ground, but will nest also in railroad ties, wall voids, and other above ground locations. In the spring, most yellow jackets will feed on insects. Many homeowners see”bees” flying around their hedges. These “bees” are usually yellow jackets and are there to eat insects on the foliage. Spraying the hedges with an appropriate insecticide will kill the food source of the yellow jackets, and they will soon leave the area.
In the fall, wasp colonies become the largest and foraging workers may be a serious nuisance as they search for food people eat or discarded food.
If a colony is disturbed, they can become very aggressive and sting. For most a sting is temporary, but painful, but for allergic individuals as single sting may result in a serious reaction, requiring medical treatment. Yellow jacket stings can be extremely painful and may take days to heal. Applying ice to the site may reduce the pain and swelling. Other recommended emergency treatments may include applying a paste of meat tenderizer directly to the site, or ammonia, vinegar or baking soda, all of which may help. If you are unable to get to any of these, try a little mud applied directly to the sting. An over-the-counter oral antihistamine may help if taken right away, especially in children. These may also have a calming affect on the frightened child.
Yellow jackets are a particularly vicious kind of wasps that closely resemble honey bees in appearance, but are entirely different in nature and habits. Yellow jackets and wasps have a very narrow waist which distinguishes them from bees. They eat other insects, but are also attracted to picnic sites, garbage cans or other “people food”, especially sweets and meat. They are extremely territorial and often make their nests in unseen holes in the ground. If disturbed, they will attack the offending person or animal without mercy. When walking in wooded areas, take note if you see yellow jackets hovering, they will often be near the ground. Although they often nest in undeveloped wooded areas, it is not uncommon to find their nests in a yard, near houses and where children play.
If you determine that you have a yellow jacket nest in your yard, you will need to closely observe their comings and goings to see where they are entering the ground. Your best chance to destroy them is to wait until dusk, when they return to the nest for the night. Advance preparation will be necessary, so you may want to observe them one evening to see their pattern and return the following evening to kill the nest. Dress in long, thick pants, long sleeves, socks, boots and gloves. Protect your face and head as much as possible, as these are primary targets of yellow jackets.
If you have ever had an allergic reaction to bee sting, you will need to seek medical attention immediately. Symptoms of an allergic reaction can include hives, shortness of breath, dizziness, swelling of the face or tongue or nausea and can strike very quickly, sometimes cutting off the air passages, causing suffocation. For those with allergies to bee or wasp stings, they can be more deadly than snake bites if not treated quickly. If you or someone in your family has a history of allergic reaction to bee stings, consult your doctor who may be able to give you a prescription for an injectable antidote, which you should carry with you at all times. It is easily administered and may save a life.
Warn your family that these wasps can be found in the ground and that they should never, ever investigate if they see one entering a nest. Where there is one, there may be hundreds!
Yellow jackets are an important part of the food chain, but can be very dangerous to people. If you find you need to destroy them to keep your home safe, be sure you do it effectively. You definitely don’t want to make them mad!
You definitely don’t want to make them mad! = Which is exactly what i did yesterday when it just so happened that i accidently ran over their huge ground nest while mowing the yard, only to be stung over and over b4 realizing what was happening. Those little fuckers hurt and swoll me up worse than when I got a small powered monitor speaker smashed up against my face!
Tonite is the night………they will all die in theatrical fashion:
http://hinessight.blogs.com/hinessight/2004/07/killing_yellow_.html
